IT'S NOT FUN ANYMORE... (long post warning)

ROGER WARD (1921 - 2004) was an Indianapolis race driver who until he won the 500 in 1959 carried the infamy of causing the crash on the backstretch of the Speedway that killed Bill Vukovich in 1955.  Ward went on to win a 2nd Indianapolis 500 in 1962.  At the height of his career he drove for Leader Card Racers which was the equivalent in many ways to the professional perfection exhibited currently by the Penske and Ganssi race teams.  In his prime, he was considered among the very best when it came to driving a race car....fast.

In 1966, Roger Ward announced at the awards banquet following the 1966 500 race that he would no longer drive race cars with the simple statement "...it wasn't fun anymore."

I've been actively farming for 37 years.  I was born and raised on a purebred Hampshire hog farm in Benton County, Indiana.  I graduated from Purdue University with a degree in Agricultural Economics and for the past 8 years I farmed over 700 acres completely by myself, without any hired help whatsoever.

During those years I've suffered economic hardship (it got me started on gunwriting, if that makes sense?) brought on by droughts and bad timing, broken too many bones to count, learned how to manage my allergic asthma that has plagued me since I was a child, cut off the end of my trigger finger and learned to accept the fact 'bleeding' really isn't that big a deal.....unless it lasts for more than an hour.  Then, and only then, you 'might' need stitches or some other form of medical attention.  (My wife always remembers the times when I texted her; "Well, the good news is the bleeding has stopped!"  She has said repeatedly, she never got used to that message.)  I've also waited to seek medical attention for detached retinas in both eyes and 'blocked' vision in one eye because I wanted to finish planting my last field of corn for the year, only to be told I had come within seconds of going permanently blind.

I've always loved 'farming'.  It was outdoor work and I was my own boss because we, for the most part, farmed our own ground.  No one, I mean NO ONE, told me what to do..................except for my Dad.

My father was the true farmer, but there was enough about the process that I enjoyed it as well.  Maybe not in the way most farmers do, but I could be the 'individual' I enjoyed being and I wasn't being forced into some cookie-cutter box or form that most of corporate America absolutely requires.  (I tried that stuff and while initially successful, it soon became apparent to me it wouldn't work for more than a few years.  That's why I came back to the farm.)

Dad and I farmed together as father/son and as business partners for 29 years.  There was only one way --- HIS WAY.  No exceptions, no variations, that was a 'given' and there was no point in trying to argue the fact because he was mentally the toughest man I've ever met in my life.  I've always tried to emulate him.  Without question, HE was Tough!

He was also Smart and one Hell of a business man.  I learned a great deal from him; mostly from watching his example.  As he got older he, physically, couldn't do what needed to be done, but mentally he was sharp.  Still 6 months before he died he drove his own grain truck and his own combine during harvest.  Of course, the tumors in his back made it a physical Hell, but he wouldn't give in, even to cancer.  He worked each day till sunset.  It wasn't until he developed 2 brain tumors that affected an optic nerve that his wheels started to fall off his wagon.  6 months later he was dead.

I always figured I would follow his example.  I would farm at least till I got into my 70's and then when I physically couldn't load the corn planter I would call it 'quits'.  Last year changed that for me, because like Roger Ward it wasn't fun for me.  It was a job and it was not a job I enjoyed any longer.

I didn't realize it until after this past harvest, but the fun went out of farming for me the day after I finished planting corn last spring.  I've always enjoyed planting corn.  Despite all the science and the knowledge of the process I've accumulated over the years, I still think it's pure magic when that corn starts to 'row' in a field of black earth.

To me, that first sighting of corn rowing is almost mystical.  It truly is a gift from God.

I struggled through the year thinking it was just the effects of 'aging' and that I simply was becoming 'weak'.  A condition that I was taught from an early age to despise and to work constantly to overcome. 

What I didn't realize until I had some time to think it over these past few weeks is that no matter how 'Tough' you are, if you don't like what you're doing, eventually it's going to beat or wear you down.

I lost the zest to 'Wage War In Agriculture' and if you're a farmer, or married to a farmer, or the child of a farmer, you know what that expression means.

Farming is WAR.  There is no other way to explain it.  It's a WAR against the elements, against the markets, against the chemical companies, the machinery companies, their engineers and their dealers and it's war against the increasingly ridiculous amounts of governmental red-tape.  None of which addresses the worst of all these pestilences and that is the SEED companies!  To break even, let alone WIN against any of these things YOU HAVE TO HAVE A WARRIOR MENTALITY and I was tired or tiring by the end of the season.

All of these elements became factors in 2011 that took away the fun in farming for me.  Add in the fact that people you thought were friends and neighbors of long standing, but who in practice betrayed confidences in less than 24 hours for the advantage of their own business partners and I started listening to the concerns of my family and my body.  There was no fun in it anymore.

My son told me during the recent Shot Show where we were promoting the idea of our own tv show that his worst fear would be a phone call that started out; "Michael, I've got some really Bad News.  We found your Dad.  He was under..."

My wife said that over the last few years she has come to hate the Spring and the Fall because with our farms 16 miles apart, if the cell phone wasn't working or answered, she had NO IDEA where to look to try and find me after she got off her job.

I knew this decision was facing me last fall.  It was the first harvest where I never left the house before 7:30 or 8:00AM.  Normally, I would be out around 6:00AM if not well before, but this past fall I told myself to take my time.  The truth that I didn't want to face is I was struggling to meet the challenges presented.  They were the same ones I'd always faced and little was new, exciting or even interesting or even all that mentally challenging.

Another factor in all this is the fact that one has to be really cold and objective about how they want to spend their years on the 'back-side'?  Dad lived to age 88, but his 2 brothers both died in their mid to late 70's.  All 3 died from cancers of one form or another.  Dad had 2 different cancers and 9 tumors.

Farmers are used to working with patterns.  We see them in animal and plant genetics, weather behavior and certain brands of farm equipment and we used these 'patterns' to help us make decisions.  Obviously, the pattern for my life, barring unforeseen events, is going to be death by cancer and it will probably strike me down somewhere in my early to mid 80's.  I'm about to turn 66 years old so that means I have less than 20 years left, if we are objective and unemotional in our analysis.

One of the questions facing me is what do I want to do with those years?

I've decided I'm going to do more shit that's fun.  Pure and simple.  And the Mustang is just the start.

Of the 3 farms; we have rented the east place and our location here to my cousins.  Blood is thicker than water, but they are also good operators.  Additionally, they understand me as they have grown up with me and other characters in our extended family so there are no surprises or hidden skeletons in the closet.

I rented the west place to a close friend.  My cousins wanted all the ground, but after I explained how certain events have transpired, Chris said, "Frank, you're doing what's Right and Fair.  Of course, we want it ALL, but what you're doing is Right and Fair.  It's what my Dad, Uncle Pete (my father) and Grandpa ALL taught us how to live our lives.  I feel GOOD about your decision."

I made the decision to quit farming while I was with my son in Las Vegas and the rental agreements were signed by the end of January, but the bottom line for me was farming just isn't FUN anymore...

All The Best,
Frank W. James